your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
