dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
