So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
