i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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