The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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