Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
