I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
