The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
a search helicopter?!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
