The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
