Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
