i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
