we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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