Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
