That's intense
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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