i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
