Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
