Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
