Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
