Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
