hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
