i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
