I'm going to jail i love you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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