the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
