dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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