On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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