You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
