I wannas sexs uuuuu
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
