So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
