just come out here and I will go home with you...
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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