It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
