i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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