For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
