if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
