I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
