everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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