If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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