I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
