"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
