masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
