Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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