so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
