Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
