Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
