she woke up with a sticky ear
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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