I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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