I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
