the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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