so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
