Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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