Me too!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
