my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
