Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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